Anaïs Nin (via terramantra
)
I had a lover who found patting me on the bum a chore. what a silly rabbit. Pats on the bum does glorious things to my brain, how agreeable I become.
the longer necklace I found on my way to the subway this morning.
a song about the days i experience before bleeding.
i cancelled meetings/ to crawl into a hole/ i need a bit more rest today/ need the mornings untouched by thought/ and a space to be, a space to dream a space to grieve
I am not a mother, not this time.
its not funny/ not this hour/ confronted by the corner of my mind/ haunted by indecision/ and repressed emotion/ i need space to be, a space to dream, space to grieve
that i am not a mother, not this time.
where’s the chocolate/ i don’t need boy/ just a hand in mind/ been picking at my face again/ been craving sex again.
I am not a mother, not this time.
I lost my compact. I cannot hide from myself that I have had too much sugar and not enough play. I fooled myself to thinking my skin was even and smooth. It isn’t at least not always. Life is not even and smooth at least not lately. Why do I seek perfect and not accept what is real? This pursuit has left me unsatisfied and unwillingness to see that every thing is fine. It gets messy here sometimes. I get messy sometimes.
On Tuesday I went to OccupyTo for the first time. I was delighted to have the experience of anyone talking to you. I have met a vast spectrum of people. Those still in school, those who have been on the streets most of their lives etc. I could tell you the common things being said:
“I have felt isolated for so long, but here I feel I finally belong somewhere.”
“I love you guys, and we are going to get through this.”
“People can be themselves here.”
Yesterday I learned how to make a candle using flour dough and vegetable oil. This may be insignificant for some, but it was thrill for me finding these days candles really expensive, working part time. The highlight of this activity was making several them with a kid who had a broken arm. I didn’t even think to ask why, and realize it doesn’t matter. What I really value about OccupyTo is that I have made so many human connections even if for a brief moment. I never felt judged there. We all care for each other and look out for one another.
If you think this thing is a bunch of angry people just making noise, I invite you to come and have the experience of community and care. For once, let yourself be wrong. I did and its changed my life.
C.
a upheaval in my life has left me feeling like damaged goods. i am left with my moleskine and a back shed full of erotica books and unfinished paintings. (18+) this virtual feed has grown to be a space of research and reflections in the following topics: sacred sexuality, dreaming, art, love, mystic teachings, eroticism, self portraits, nudes 
